i am overkill

and i know my other selves better.

how your prejudice concludes who i am

is how i am otherwise in the other wiser worlds.

not here for sure.

this spot is a whirlpool and i am no swimmer.

a glider, maybe.

i mirror any human’s weaknesses.

for being that common, i am not easy to relish.

ordinary is not arbitrary.

it was a choice,

for my life quest is to understand how the human brain works

and it’s stupendous ability to twist,

mess up,

and handle regret.

how many of these brains dare

to tame themselves.

because mine is all over the place and cannot

function without the dictates of outer elements.

i am annoying.

nice, when i want to be, and annoying at it.

pessimism is my mother tongue,

juvenile is my hometown.

i rush at the gate to leave,

i forget i am in chains.

i cannot be aivan if i would not sound fine one minute

and idealist, the next.

i wouldn’t be her if i don’t magnify the negative

and spend my spirits on looking for remedy

because visual artists are prone to fixing,

or say, altering.

even the ones without void.

these eyes wouldn’t be mine if i weren’t seeing glitches.

the smallest of them.

on moments i don’t see the ugly or the catch

are the times when someone shuts my eyes for me,

or at least cover them.

when someone dares to kiss me before i even get to talk.

when i am halted by the touch of gentle hands that mean to care.

that mean to not condemn but to pacify the anxiety in me,

and knows that it is an utterly no rocket science to hug.

i don’t need arms to carry.

i just need to feel them around me.

i am hard to love because i am not a girl next door

or that super independent woman that can feed

a man’s bottomless pit.

my spirituality is the only thing that makes me sane

and now i look foolish for the same reason.

it is taken against me, that i have this faith

that chooses to see beyond but sticks to the basics.

people, friends, family and lovers have turned their back on me

because i am not being someone they expect.

i speak of reform and God while i do not walk the talk.

i know i have so much room for change

but no one would ever dare share that room with me.

i do not claim to be that needy

but there will be random hours in a day

where i will miss or want the same person who made me feel loved.

i will try to live on, that i can promise, to anyone who bothers

to be accountable for my well-being.

knowing myself better,

i am loved by a God

who, though i deny at times

always will save me if ever i fall again

or if i drown in too much happiness.

I woke up at the graces of cold air.
Took all until this frailty seceded.
As I frolicked in the beauty of rest and life awakened
A prayer slowly drawn me to bend.
I hoped this is the start of forever
Where
gratefulness would suffice,
Where
I am more than ready to face my own demise,
finally turning deaf ears on bitter lies
apropos my atrocity
and everything that was about me.

No, I don't (just) long for a better life.
I long for a better soul.

good morning heartache.
i shall face you today like a new acquaintance,
like i've never seen anything like you before.
as though i have not learned from yesterday,
as though i was not drained from last night's pain.

good morning heartache.
i still have a few more drops here
it'll keep us deep into each other
for the day.

i can't wait for tomorrow...
when i shall see you the first time again.

Arkeofilms is working on a full-length documentary. We will need to work on over 40 hours of footage. Arkeofilms is now hiring part-time transcribers and translators who are proficient in Ilonggo, Tagalog and English.

Please e-mail your resume to monster@arkeofilms. com. For inquiries, call 887-0906 and look for Mildred.

Banned Movies Pilipinas has once again proven itself as the home of indie artists when it served as the venue for the premiere of John Torres’ Gabi Noong Nalaman Kong Ang Aking Ama ay May Anak sa Labas last January 20 and Raya Martin’s Long Live Philippine Cinema! last February 17. Come March 24, 2007, Banned Movies Pilipinas will chalk up another milestone when it premieres Khavn dela Cruz’ newest digital film, Literature based on Joel Toledo’s 2004 2nd prize winning Palanca for Poetry. A recent recipient of the Grand Jury Prize in the recently concluded Digital Lokal competition of Cinemanila, Khavn dela Cruz is an award winning filmmaker who has made 16 features and more than 60 short films. He is also one of the movers behind the Independent Filmmakers Cooperative (IFC) and Filmless Films. Khavn is jack of all trades: a teacher, a Palanca winning writer, and a musician. Considered as indie cinema’s enfant terrible (Giovanni Spagnoletti, Festival Director, Pesaro Film Festival), he will also screen his other groundbreaking digital films namely, Institusyon ng Makata (which stars Marvin Agustin), Amen, and I’m Not Batman (with the Radioactive Sago Project).

Complementing the night’s out there theme are bands with an avant garde edge: Taggu nDios, Linch 12, Khavn’s own band, The Brockas and the most avant garde of them all, the Andy Warhol’s of rock n roll, Kiko Machine and many more.

So free up your schedule on March 24 and come down to Center for Arts in Timog, Quezon City at 7PM and experience what living on the edge feels like.

The event is made possible through ClicktheCity. com, Transit, Red Leaf Printing press, Anthem magazine and NU 107.

For inquiries email us at banned_movies@ yahoo.com or text 0917-3705454.